Any Critics??
Hey...this is a story i wrote sometime back...feel free to comment on it...even if u feel its too trite...i can always ignore you ;)
Jack flew in steadily towards the brightness, plotting a course straight to its middle. Then he veered sharply to his left just as soon as the void appeared. But instead of finding himself in the void, he merely managed to collide with the wall. Tired and dazed with the collision he decided to rest there for a while and then try again. He had been at it for almost the whole night now. Every time he flew into the brightness the void appeared, and every time he turned to enter it, it disappeared. He had been at it for three months now. The first time that he had heard of the void was when he was a week old and had just hatched out of his cocoon. The caretaker of his batch had been telling them of the outside world, and he had said that when they would fly outside, they would see much brightness, and if they went close to them they would see the void. The void was a sacred space for the moth. That was the place they went to when they died. Jack’s curiosity had awakened then. The stories he heard later made him more and more determined to see what it was like. Some said it was a treasure hall, full of honey and nectar, some called it a place of power, where all wishes came true. There were other stories too but most were a variation on these. What every one agreed to, however, was that no one knew how to go there. The easiest way of course was to die, but barring that no other way was known. So Jack had decided to find his own way. He was patient and determined. So he had tried every source of brightness close to his nest as soon as he was given permission to go outside. At first he had his fellows for company, but gradually all of them got bored of the fruitless exercise and moved on to other things. Some of them even declared that the void was just an illusion to confuse the young moths. But it was shameful for older and wiser moths like them to chase such stories. Jack only grew more determined. The void was all that he thought of by day, and dreamed of by night.
As he grew, he found that he had to play his part in taking care of the nest. Knowing that the nectar gatherers were allowed to stay outside longer than the others, he chose to be a gatherer. He would leave the nest as soon as darkness fell and returned to it only when dawn had passed. His supervisor was happy to have such a hard worker. The only thing that perplexed him was why Jack managed to gather such poor quality of nectar. But since Jack put in is full time, he didn’t have the heart to complain about him. Then one day he decided to follow Jack on his gathering rounds and personally check where he was making mistakes. He knew if he could teach a hard working gatherer like Jack the correct way to gather nectar, then the whole hive would benefit from it. Jack, completely unaware that he was being followed, stuck to his usual routine. He had discovered a new batch of brightness yesterday night and was eager to see if any of them would lead him into the void. He spent almost all the night trying to enter the void and then just as dawn was about to break, hurriedly gathered whatever nectar he could. Then he flew back, ignorant of the fact that he was under surveillance. His supervisor, not having had to exert much energy during the night easily managed to reach the nest before him, and was waiting for him as Jack entered tired and exhausted.
“So Jack, another big night huh” he quipped as Jack dragged himself to the collection tray and poured in the nectar he had brought. “Uhn..huh” Jack grunted in reply. “It must be really tiring for you to keep flying for so long, night after night. I don’t know how you manage it at all” he remarked once again. “It s nothing sir. Just practice.” Jack answered anxious to be let off to get some sleep. Hanging around the brightness so much was getting really tiring, especially for his eyes. The supervisor kept speaking though, “ Yeah, must be really tiring trying to gather nectar from the brightness. I don’t know anybody else who can do that. I wonder if the Queen will personally give you a medal if she found out.” Jack realized then that the game was up. His supervisor must be really furious. Direct complaints to the queen were the last and severest punishment handed out in the nest. If it came to that he would either be torn and eaten, or be exiled from the nest. Both the possibilities were terrifying. It was all he could do to keep standing. He begged and pleaded, promising to give up his search and concentrate hard on gathering nectar. It took half an hour of groveling to pacify the furious supervisor, who finally relented and said that he wouldn’t complain if the quality of nectar Jack brought in improved drastically.
For the next few weeks, Jack stuck to his promise. Religiously going out and gathering the best nectar he could find. His supervisor too relaxed after a while, seeing that he was bringing in good nectar. Then one day Jack heard the rumor that an old, half-dead moth had been dragged into the nest, the previous evening to protect him from the rain. Nobody knew what had happened to his nest, and he hadn’t said anything when questioned. All he did was keep murmuring something about the void. Jack’s curiosity, which he had forced to sleep, flared up again. He knew he had made a promise, but reasoned that talking to an old moth wouldn’t break any promises. He finished his lunch as fast as he could and rushed to the part of the nest kept for visitors. The old moth had just been fed, and was lying down. His raving, though, hadn’t stopped. Jack crawled in and poked him in the side. “Hey..”he whispered in his ear. Then when he didn’t wake up, shouted louder “HEY”. The old moth woke up quickly at that. “Wh..What do you want?” he mumbled. “The guards who brought you in said you were going on and on about the void. Is that right? What do you know about the void?” Jack fired questions, his excitement taking over. “The void…yeah I know about the void. Big black space next to the brightness. The void…yeah” the old moth raved in a confused manner. Jack was disappointed but decided to try once more. “Do you know how to get in?” “Get In?…into the void? Naww…no one gets in the void except by dying”, came the reply. Jack turned away now having given up all hope, but the old moth continued “Had a friend once who did it though. Went inside the void, then came back in a dream. Said you had to keep flying into the brightness to reach the void…said that was the only way…crazy bugger, Tom was…said fly into the brightness to reach the void..” the old moth kept on raving, but Jack came out, tingling from head to toe from excitement. He had to keep flying into the brightness! That was it! It made sense too. The void appeared once he got closer to the brightness, so the closer he got, the closer he should be to the void. The brightness must mark an entrance to the void. It was all he could do to whoop with joy. He would now visit the void. Nothing could stop him now. And when the Queen heard what he had done, surely she would give him a medal for his efforts. He went back to his room, dreaming of his oncoming greatness.
That night he was the first in the line, anxious to be off. His supervisor was a little suspicious at his excitement. He too had heard about the old moth’s ravings. But then he remembered that Jack had changed, so he let him go as usual. As soon as Jack got out, the first thing he did was to search for a source of brightness. Unknown to him the previous night’s rain had caused a 48 hour blackout in the area, so there were no streetlights working that day. He kept flying around, going farther and farther, searching for a source of brightness until he spotted one. The brightness coming from it, however, was unlike anything he had seen before. It had a different color and was much darker at the edges. Even its shape was different. He took it as a sign, a special source of brightness for his entry in the void. He descended close to the brightness and paused for a few seconds, reflecting upon the enormity of what he was about to achieve. Then he got up and flew towards it at top speed. Soon the void appeared, and he increased his speed. He was getting closer to the brightness now, and the void too appeared larger. Getting excited he kept moving inwards, failing to notice the rising temperature. His first inkling that something was wrong was when he was nearly face to face with the brightness, and felt a sharp pain at his wingtips. It was then that he noticed the abnormal heat surrounding him. The pain spread rapidly inwards from his wingtips engulfing his body. But determined as he was, he moved into the brightness itself. The move was fatal. His next breath brought a searing pain to his insides as they began to shrivel up. Finally becoming incapable of thought, he gave into the panic signals from his brain. His wings flapped involuntarily and the movement took him out of the other side of the brightness, falling onto a flat surface. The momentary bout of consciousness that came, brought searing pain together with waves of nausea. He lost consciousness then and never felt the enormous bout of pressure that flattened him for good. He was one with the void now.
“Damn moth!” Will exclaimed as he whacked it again with the rolled up news paper. Then “Nearly set the whole house on fire”, as he continued whacking the flattened body, making sure all the flames were extinguished. Joe, his brother looked on with a quizzical expression on his face. “You know, this is the first time, I’ve seen a moth burn like that. I mean, yeah they’re attracted to the light and all, but all I’ve ever seen them doing is fly in circles around it. They never enter the light itself.” Joe knew what he was talking about. He was an entomologist, and an avid collector of butterflies and moths. “Yeah well this one must be the dodo that thought the fire was his girlfriend dressed up all hot for him. Good thing he was the only one stupid enough in his family” Will declared. “See that’s the thing. Moths aren’t attracted to the flame itself. Apparently, they have black rings around their eyes, so whenever they see a bright source of light up close, they also see a ring of darkness around it. Now the theory is that they are actually trying to go into the darkness, which is why they fly around in circles. This one, though, flew right in. I wonder what that means” Joe responded. “It means he probably inherited the dumb genes that told him to fly into the flames. Thank god for natural selection, or we’d have had to cover every single candle flame in the house.” Will had studied a little biology in high school and never gone to college. He was a highly skilled plumber. His view of the world was much more pragmatic. He scraped the burnt remains of the moth off the table and threw them into the dustbin, leaving Joe to ponder over his fancy theories.
Jack flew in steadily towards the brightness, plotting a course straight to its middle. Then he veered sharply to his left just as soon as the void appeared. But instead of finding himself in the void, he merely managed to collide with the wall. Tired and dazed with the collision he decided to rest there for a while and then try again. He had been at it for almost the whole night now. Every time he flew into the brightness the void appeared, and every time he turned to enter it, it disappeared. He had been at it for three months now. The first time that he had heard of the void was when he was a week old and had just hatched out of his cocoon. The caretaker of his batch had been telling them of the outside world, and he had said that when they would fly outside, they would see much brightness, and if they went close to them they would see the void. The void was a sacred space for the moth. That was the place they went to when they died. Jack’s curiosity had awakened then. The stories he heard later made him more and more determined to see what it was like. Some said it was a treasure hall, full of honey and nectar, some called it a place of power, where all wishes came true. There were other stories too but most were a variation on these. What every one agreed to, however, was that no one knew how to go there. The easiest way of course was to die, but barring that no other way was known. So Jack had decided to find his own way. He was patient and determined. So he had tried every source of brightness close to his nest as soon as he was given permission to go outside. At first he had his fellows for company, but gradually all of them got bored of the fruitless exercise and moved on to other things. Some of them even declared that the void was just an illusion to confuse the young moths. But it was shameful for older and wiser moths like them to chase such stories. Jack only grew more determined. The void was all that he thought of by day, and dreamed of by night.
As he grew, he found that he had to play his part in taking care of the nest. Knowing that the nectar gatherers were allowed to stay outside longer than the others, he chose to be a gatherer. He would leave the nest as soon as darkness fell and returned to it only when dawn had passed. His supervisor was happy to have such a hard worker. The only thing that perplexed him was why Jack managed to gather such poor quality of nectar. But since Jack put in is full time, he didn’t have the heart to complain about him. Then one day he decided to follow Jack on his gathering rounds and personally check where he was making mistakes. He knew if he could teach a hard working gatherer like Jack the correct way to gather nectar, then the whole hive would benefit from it. Jack, completely unaware that he was being followed, stuck to his usual routine. He had discovered a new batch of brightness yesterday night and was eager to see if any of them would lead him into the void. He spent almost all the night trying to enter the void and then just as dawn was about to break, hurriedly gathered whatever nectar he could. Then he flew back, ignorant of the fact that he was under surveillance. His supervisor, not having had to exert much energy during the night easily managed to reach the nest before him, and was waiting for him as Jack entered tired and exhausted.
“So Jack, another big night huh” he quipped as Jack dragged himself to the collection tray and poured in the nectar he had brought. “Uhn..huh” Jack grunted in reply. “It must be really tiring for you to keep flying for so long, night after night. I don’t know how you manage it at all” he remarked once again. “It s nothing sir. Just practice.” Jack answered anxious to be let off to get some sleep. Hanging around the brightness so much was getting really tiring, especially for his eyes. The supervisor kept speaking though, “ Yeah, must be really tiring trying to gather nectar from the brightness. I don’t know anybody else who can do that. I wonder if the Queen will personally give you a medal if she found out.” Jack realized then that the game was up. His supervisor must be really furious. Direct complaints to the queen were the last and severest punishment handed out in the nest. If it came to that he would either be torn and eaten, or be exiled from the nest. Both the possibilities were terrifying. It was all he could do to keep standing. He begged and pleaded, promising to give up his search and concentrate hard on gathering nectar. It took half an hour of groveling to pacify the furious supervisor, who finally relented and said that he wouldn’t complain if the quality of nectar Jack brought in improved drastically.
For the next few weeks, Jack stuck to his promise. Religiously going out and gathering the best nectar he could find. His supervisor too relaxed after a while, seeing that he was bringing in good nectar. Then one day Jack heard the rumor that an old, half-dead moth had been dragged into the nest, the previous evening to protect him from the rain. Nobody knew what had happened to his nest, and he hadn’t said anything when questioned. All he did was keep murmuring something about the void. Jack’s curiosity, which he had forced to sleep, flared up again. He knew he had made a promise, but reasoned that talking to an old moth wouldn’t break any promises. He finished his lunch as fast as he could and rushed to the part of the nest kept for visitors. The old moth had just been fed, and was lying down. His raving, though, hadn’t stopped. Jack crawled in and poked him in the side. “Hey..”he whispered in his ear. Then when he didn’t wake up, shouted louder “HEY”. The old moth woke up quickly at that. “Wh..What do you want?” he mumbled. “The guards who brought you in said you were going on and on about the void. Is that right? What do you know about the void?” Jack fired questions, his excitement taking over. “The void…yeah I know about the void. Big black space next to the brightness. The void…yeah” the old moth raved in a confused manner. Jack was disappointed but decided to try once more. “Do you know how to get in?” “Get In?…into the void? Naww…no one gets in the void except by dying”, came the reply. Jack turned away now having given up all hope, but the old moth continued “Had a friend once who did it though. Went inside the void, then came back in a dream. Said you had to keep flying into the brightness to reach the void…said that was the only way…crazy bugger, Tom was…said fly into the brightness to reach the void..” the old moth kept on raving, but Jack came out, tingling from head to toe from excitement. He had to keep flying into the brightness! That was it! It made sense too. The void appeared once he got closer to the brightness, so the closer he got, the closer he should be to the void. The brightness must mark an entrance to the void. It was all he could do to whoop with joy. He would now visit the void. Nothing could stop him now. And when the Queen heard what he had done, surely she would give him a medal for his efforts. He went back to his room, dreaming of his oncoming greatness.
That night he was the first in the line, anxious to be off. His supervisor was a little suspicious at his excitement. He too had heard about the old moth’s ravings. But then he remembered that Jack had changed, so he let him go as usual. As soon as Jack got out, the first thing he did was to search for a source of brightness. Unknown to him the previous night’s rain had caused a 48 hour blackout in the area, so there were no streetlights working that day. He kept flying around, going farther and farther, searching for a source of brightness until he spotted one. The brightness coming from it, however, was unlike anything he had seen before. It had a different color and was much darker at the edges. Even its shape was different. He took it as a sign, a special source of brightness for his entry in the void. He descended close to the brightness and paused for a few seconds, reflecting upon the enormity of what he was about to achieve. Then he got up and flew towards it at top speed. Soon the void appeared, and he increased his speed. He was getting closer to the brightness now, and the void too appeared larger. Getting excited he kept moving inwards, failing to notice the rising temperature. His first inkling that something was wrong was when he was nearly face to face with the brightness, and felt a sharp pain at his wingtips. It was then that he noticed the abnormal heat surrounding him. The pain spread rapidly inwards from his wingtips engulfing his body. But determined as he was, he moved into the brightness itself. The move was fatal. His next breath brought a searing pain to his insides as they began to shrivel up. Finally becoming incapable of thought, he gave into the panic signals from his brain. His wings flapped involuntarily and the movement took him out of the other side of the brightness, falling onto a flat surface. The momentary bout of consciousness that came, brought searing pain together with waves of nausea. He lost consciousness then and never felt the enormous bout of pressure that flattened him for good. He was one with the void now.
“Damn moth!” Will exclaimed as he whacked it again with the rolled up news paper. Then “Nearly set the whole house on fire”, as he continued whacking the flattened body, making sure all the flames were extinguished. Joe, his brother looked on with a quizzical expression on his face. “You know, this is the first time, I’ve seen a moth burn like that. I mean, yeah they’re attracted to the light and all, but all I’ve ever seen them doing is fly in circles around it. They never enter the light itself.” Joe knew what he was talking about. He was an entomologist, and an avid collector of butterflies and moths. “Yeah well this one must be the dodo that thought the fire was his girlfriend dressed up all hot for him. Good thing he was the only one stupid enough in his family” Will declared. “See that’s the thing. Moths aren’t attracted to the flame itself. Apparently, they have black rings around their eyes, so whenever they see a bright source of light up close, they also see a ring of darkness around it. Now the theory is that they are actually trying to go into the darkness, which is why they fly around in circles. This one, though, flew right in. I wonder what that means” Joe responded. “It means he probably inherited the dumb genes that told him to fly into the flames. Thank god for natural selection, or we’d have had to cover every single candle flame in the house.” Will had studied a little biology in high school and never gone to college. He was a highly skilled plumber. His view of the world was much more pragmatic. He scraped the burnt remains of the moth off the table and threw them into the dustbin, leaving Joe to ponder over his fancy theories.
posted by AJ at 11:12 PM
3 comments
